Recently someone at a party asked me if I was still involved in activism against marketing to children. I haven't been, at least not directly. Five years left me burnt out. Last year, I concluded ...."I'm a lover, not a fighter." I chose to take a Gandiesque approach of starting with myself and focused my energy on minimizing the intrusion of marketing in my own family's life. Though pretty content with this, that question the other night left me wondering if it's possible to be a lover - and a fighter. Out of this pondering came the following:
CRADLE TO GRAVE - a very short one act play
SETTING: a conference room of a marketing department in a large company - a very large company…. okay, let’s just call it a fictitious mega conglomerate.
CHARACTERS: BOB - Marketing Executive
SAM - Team Member
MARY - Team Member
BOB: "We need to stay passionate about getting our brand in front of consumers as early as possible. When those neurons start connecting, we want to be there. With our hospital contracts, we have new parents taking home bags of free diapers, formula and wipes all adorned with Percy Pig, Benny Boar and Franky Fox. We know Mom and Dad will hold these up to their baby and say "Looooook, it'ssssssss Percyyyyyy Pigggggg!"– just as we’ve planned. But I’m concerned, we're not maximizing the endless opportunities to connect. I want to send sales representatives into the maternity ward to bond with moms. These warm and fuzzily trained reps will help build trust. While they're there, they can get a picture of baby with Benny Boar for the family to put on the mantel.”
SAM: We’re already doing that.
BOB: "Okay, Sam - for the next meeting, make a list of the maternity ward offensive strategies we already employ. Sounds like short of climbing into the uterus, we’re doing a pretty good job. Yet, I know if we put our heads together, there's more uncharted territory. Children should be living and breathing our brand – our characters. Their bedrooms, meals, school, toys, television, movies, computer games all should reflect our brand. There's no limit to immersive marketing. Surely we could be immersing American children in even more of this stuff. Take Halloween for example. YES, I know most children are wearing costumes of our characters, but have we made any attempts to exploit ….the pumpkin. Nothing about the pumpkin reflects our brand… I mean nothing and that’s pathetic! Why haven’t we sold the rights to put Stinky the Skunk’s tail on those plastic pumpkins that children carry around to collect candy????"
MARY: We have.
BOB: "Oh, …..but here’s what I’m getting at. Look at all those extremist groups who are using cartoon characters to teach young children to fear and hate the US. How brilliant is that? Think how much power we could harness if we were thinking propaganda...I mean if we were thinking more broadly. Today's hearts and minds are tomorrow's TV news viewers and tomorrow's voters. Who knows - if we play our cards right, we might even be able to get someone in the oval office who'll be lax on all those pesky regulations. Why aren't we at least thinking about all the profit to be made by getting children to beg their parents to buy "food" that isn’t even food."
SAM: "Again sir - we’re already doing that. We’ve worked tirelessly with our child psychologists. We've applied the Nag Factor Research to develop strategies to get kids to annoy their parents into submission. By the looks of things – a child obesity epidemic that’s going global and a financial crisis fueled by greed and hyper consumption - I'd say we’re doing a pretty awesome job.
BOB: That's it! We need to expand our demographic. Since deregulation of marketing to children in the late 70’s, we're finally at the point where those earliest saturated kiddos are well into adulthood. Think of all those we’ve successfully brainwashed,… I mean helped form emotional attachments to our characters - our brand. Are we involved in weddings, .... anniversaries? Do we even have anniversary cards?
MARY: They’re on the shelves.
BOB: And these adults will be aging! We need to get ahead of the curve. What about condolence cards? It's not too early to start thinking about contracts with mortuaries, cemeteries and coffin manufacturing? Who wouldn’t want to know their loved one will be accompanied to the other side by that character they first saw immediately after birth - the one who was there at every stage of their life.
SAM: Now you’re talk'n.
(To learn more about strategies used by child marketers,....whoops...I mean, "those who market to children"...Google (as much as you can stomach) such phrases as "Maternity Marketing," 'The Nag Factor," "Immersive Marketing," "Cradle to Grave Brand Loyalty," and "Age Compression")